I'm sorta setting my mindset and goals for the next year. They're to deal with my medical and dental issues, finish my novel, get my Master's degree, get more furniture for my house, and learn more about static web development.
I'm working steadily on my thesis. I made a major breakthrough when I started teasing the data apart and I can show that one section of the swamp that has been treated as a single environment is actually five distict environments. I've been doing it on my work computer though and OneDrive kept destroying my shit so I disabled it. I hate Microsoft so much and I hate being forced to use their ecosystem at work and school. It's really hitting me though that I'm going to have to spend days doing nothing but preparing this thesis to defend it. Grad school is so fucking hard.
The showcase is in two days and then it'll all be over. I've got shoulder, hernia, boob, and dental stuff coming up medically. My whole body aches. I feel so stressed it's hard to sleep. I just want the pole stuff to be over. I love pole so much but I'm worn down. When I'm forced to take a break with the medical stuff, I'm going to work on makeup and slow, low flow as well as costuming. I want to continue to grow as a dancer for sure, but I'm realizing that going hard and doing the most intense tricks I can isn't everything.
I'm contemplating whether or not I might be aromantic. I came to terms earlier this year with being a lesbian, not pansexual, but being aromantic is a different can of gummy worms. The problem is I'm deeply traumatized and learning to love myself. Like, I'm in weekly therapy and a PTSD treatment clinical trial because the first 20 years of my life were very difficult. This is sort of distressing to me because I'm still working towards the adoption and I think its unfair to treat someone as only a coparent and not a romantic partner. Tummy and head hurtie.